I Need Patience as Well as Trust

July 2, 2010

This morning I began reading Sheila Walsh’s new book, Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God. I’ve only read the introduction and first chapter but already see so many ways where her battle with depression parallels my battle with fibromyalgia. I have a hard time trusting because of things that happened in the past. I hope that when I finish this study, I will have learned to trust God more in my everyday life, to finally, once and for all, turn my life completely over to Him, trusting Him to direct my path even when I don’t understand where it is headed. I think I’ve always trusted God on the big stuff but the day to day stuff has been a challenge. Sheila says that waiting on his direction and trusting in his presence helps us to become more like Christ. I need patience as well as trust. I want the instant answers that I receive when I am in charge. Maybe the key to me trusting is to have patience to wait for his will to become clear to me.

Jesus wants us to trust him so completely that we no longer question anything that he puts into our hands or on the path he has chooses for our lives. That’s my biggest struggle right now. It’s hard to trust when your body rebels and you hurt so badly that you cannot pull your self out of bed for days on end. It’s hard to trust when your mind is so foggy that you can’t remember the next word in the sentence. It’s hard to trust that all will be well when your income is cut in half and the bills go up. It’s hard to trust when the bill collectors are calling. It’s hard to trust when you aren’t able to do the things you use to. You get the picture.

Job wrote that “Yes, God does these things again and again for people. He rescues them up from the grave.” Job 33:29-30 (NLT) Isn’t that wonderful news? Over and over God is there for us and will pick us up when we fall or when someone turns against us.

Sometimes in the process of learning to trust, we suffer. We don’t like to suffer. Who would? And who would believe that suffering can be helpful? The Bible tells us that suffering truly can be helpful so I work toward finding that help. Suffering is helpful if we turn to God for understanding, endurance and deliverance. Turning from him will only make things worse and harden our hearts. When we lay our suffering at his feet, we are able to learn from a trustworthy God. When allow ourselves to learn from God, it prepares us to accept help from others who are obeying God’s order to help others.

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always, be eager to practice hospitality”. Romans 12:13 (NLT)

“Here are some of the parts God has appointed for the church…those who can help others”. 1 Corinthians 12:28 (NLT)

In Joshua 1:5, God assures Joshua that He will be there for him just like he was for Moses. He promised … I will not fail you nor abandon you. Aren’t those beautiful words? God is here with us every step of the way. I think about how Joshua must have felt following in Moses footsteps. As the saying goes, those were some big shoes to fill. Joshua went from being an assistant to being the person who would finally lead the Israelites into the Promised Land – all two million of them. I’m sure that he must have felt overwhelmed. God always reminded him to be strong, courageous and follow God’s word for direction. That’s what we need to do as well. Joshua 1:7 – 9 tells us:

"Be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord you God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)

Researchers Document Severity of Fibromyalgia

It's been documented so many times that it's not in our heads.  Why don't the majority of doctors not believe research studies by their colleagues?

Researchers Document Severity of Fibromyalgia
Posted: May 26, 2010

You look just fine and nothing is broken, so why do you say you have so much pain, and why don't you have the energy to just get up and go? These are the frustrating questions that people with fibromyalgia face every day. A research study headed up by Fausto Salaffi, M.D., in Milan, Italy, documents the serious impact fibromyalgia has on a person's health-related quality of life.*

"Patients with fibromyalgia report disabilities in daily living activities that are as severe as those reported by patients with rheumatoid arthritis, and more severe than those reported by patients with osteoarthritis or other painful conditions," states Salaffi and co-workers. But how do fibromyalgia patients really compare to rheumatoid arthritis patients when using standardized questionnaires to evaluate both groups? This was the question that Salaffi's study sought to answer.

Salaffi assessed a large group of subjects, which added strength to his study. He enrolled 380 fibromyalgia patients, 693 people with rheumatoid arthritis, and 1,579 healthy control subjects. All participants completed a validated instrument (Short Form 36-item Healthy Survey Questionnaire, SF-36) that measures the following eight components of health-related quality of life:

(1) physical functioning,
(2) role function - physical aspect,
(3) bodily pain,
(4) general health perception,
(5) mental health,
(6) role function - emotional aspect,
(7) social functioning, and
(8) vitality.

For the most part, the scores for each of the eight components of the SF-36 were the same for both the fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis groups. However, fibromyalgia patients scores substantially worse on vitality. Feeling so devoid of any energy, it is no surprise that fibromyalgia patients also scored worse on the mental health component of the SF-36.

"Fibromyalgia patients consider widespread pain, fatigue, and unrefreshing sleep to be the factors that most significantly limit work performance, and our findings are consistent with those of previously published clinical studies," writes Salaffi and co-workers. "Pain is one of the most frequently reported, bothersome and disabling symptoms" he says, adding that the "pain may be more severe than in rheumatoid arthritis."

So how do fibromyalgia patients measure up to the healthy controls? "Comparing adults without frequent pain, patients are 2.6 times more likely to report poor overall health if they experience pain several times a week, and 11.8 times more likely to do so if pain is experienced every day" ... as it is in people with fibromyalgia who have daily widespread pain.

The fatigue factor, which is captured in the terrible vitality score, also plays a major role in how you feel. "Fibromyalgia patients seem to have higher overall fatigue levels and experience greater daily variability than those in other pain groups. The findings of sleep studies suggest that 70-90 percent of fibromyalgia patients complain of non-restorative sleep, which accentuates pain, musculoskeletal stiffness and fatigue."

Comparing the eight component scores of the SF-36 for fibromyalgia patients to the standardized scores established for other illnesses, Salaffi writes that fibromyalgia "resembles the pattern of restrictions generally found in patients with musculoskeletal disorders or other chronic conditions such as congestive heart failure, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, hypertension, recent acute myocardial infarction, type II diabetes, and malignancy."

If you are functioning well with your fibromyalgia, all the power to you. More than half of patients with rheumatoid arthritis can still maintain function and certainly not everyone with a chronic illness is faced with having to quit their lifelong career. However, if you are struggling or find yourself unable to hang onto a job or continue with your normal chores, let your family know that your exterior lack of visible symptoms or blood tests are not a valid indicator of how you feel. Explain to them that the severity of your symptoms are equal to that of the many serious diseases listed above. Looks can be deceiving.

* Salaffi F, et al. Clin Exp Rheumatology 27(suppl 56):S67-S74, 2009

Chronic pain, narcotics and the DEA

January 2010

I've had an awful case of bronchitis and it has finally started breaking up. I've stopped feeling like I was going to cough my toenails up so I think that means I'm better.

During my down time with the bronchitis I got the call I had been waiting on for months. No, Publisher's Clearinghouse didn't call. Something even better to a chronic pain sufferer. Dr. D's office called the morning of the 14th and said they had a cancellation at 4:00 that day. This Southern Lady promptly took it and got there early - and I'm never early. On time but never early. :-) You see, Dr. D is my pain management specialist. I've been on the waiting list to see her since mid October. For someone with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Rheumatoid Arthritis, a pain management specialist is a very important person. I have reached a point in my illness where only narcotics relieve the pain - they don't make it go away but they do make it bearable to a point where I can function. Those of us in this situation find it hard to get the narcotics that we need to treat our pain because of our wonderful lawmakers in Washington and the DEA. Our internal medicine physicians and even our specialists refuse to write prescriptions for narcotics for the treatment of chronic pain, even tho they feel prescribing these drugs is warranted, because of threats by the DEA to take away their licenses for doing so. Pain management specialist are there to take up the slack and stand up for our right to not be in pain. However there are so many people with chronic pain and so few doctors willing to work in pain management that it takes months, if not years, to get in with one and get your treatment started.

I hope that 2010 will bring a time of change and awareness about the differences between addiction and dependence. I am not nor are my friends with chronic pain disorders addicted to our drugs. We don't take them to get "high", we take them to function. We would rather not take them but we do so that we can have some level of "normal" in our lives. These drugs allow us to take care of our families, to be wives, mothers and grandmothers, to volunteer at our churches and in our communities. We want to be contributing members of society.

Yes, I am dependent on my narcotics but I am no different than a diabetic who is dependent on their insulin. No one would ever say that a diabetic is addicted to their insulin. Why can't chronic pain sufferers get the same compassion and respect?

Fibromyalgia - Both a Blessing and a Curse

On a Facebook fibro support group several people said that they felt blessed to have Fibromyalgia.  This created quite an uproar and they were called unkind, crazy, etc.  I didn't have time to stay online for long that day.  I offered a suggestion to solve someone’s dilemma they had posted about and signed off the computer.  When I got back on the next morning, the discussion had grown to 66 comments.  As I started to write a response I realized that it would be way too long to read as a post so I moved here to my blog where I say what’s on my mind.  I think you’ll find that I’m pretty passionate about this.

To the group of people that say that Fibromyalgia is not a blessing – I agree.  It is not a blessing that I had to stop work at age 52 after I had just gone back to school and gotten a degree that would allow me to find a better paying job.  It is not a blessing that we struggle because we only have 50% of my income.  It’s not a blessing that when I first became ill I had to try and talk my hubby into going and doing activities we had planned but I was unable to do.  It’s not a blessing that I had to give up my duties as a Eucharistic Minister at my church for several years.  It’s not a blessing that my cognitive function had diminished to the point that I couldn't remember things from one day to the next.

However, there are ways to turn all of that into a blessing. It’s how we look at the life that we’ve been given. It’s a blessing that I can no longer work because as career driven as I had become, it would more than likely destroyed my marriage.  My marriage is worth more than any paycheck or the luxuries that it would provide. It’s a blessing that my employer had paid for the Long Term Disability insurance so that we do have 50% of my income while I not so patiently waited on my Social Security Disability hearing.  It’s a blessing that when the economy fell and my hubby had to change careers and go into retail to find a job, I’m home to spend his days off with him. If I was still working Monday - Friday, 9 to 5, we'd never have the same days off. It’s a blessing that I have learned to encourage my hubby to go do things with the guys and not worry about me being home.  We appreciate each other more when he comes home.  It’s a blessing that when I could no longer serve as a Eucharist minister, a position in the altar guild opened up so I’m blessed to be able to prepare the altar for Eucharist.  I’m blessed to still be able to serve my Savior and my church.

I am blessed because the Lord put me and my now best friend on the same Yahoo group at just the right time for us to meet.  I’m blessed to have a best friend who loves the Lord, who has Fibromyalgia, who loves being a homemaker like I do and who loves to sew and is happy being “domestic”.  That’s the job description I have now and I love it and feel blessed for the opportunity.  I blessed to be a homemaker.  There are many days when I can’t clean or cook.  But I can be here to offer my hubby a cold drink when he comes in at the end of the day.  I am blessed because I have the time to sew for family, friends and charities. 

I feel blessed because "all" I have wrong is Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Peripheral Neuropathy and severe edema in my legs and feet.  I am blessed because unlike my BIL who died of cancer or my friend who died of a brain aneurysm, I am here to witness the birth of my grandchildren and to watch them grow up. I get the joy having my young granddaughter ask me to teach her to sew and my  grandson asking me to teach him to bake after watching me make hamburger buns one day.  I am blessed to see my our goddaughter run to me down the aisle at church with a huge grin on her face.

I'm blessed because 11 years ago this week, I met the most wonderful man who loves me for who I am, whose heart breaks that he can't do more for me.  I am blessed with two wonderful children who do all they can to help by cleaning my house and helping with projects that my hubby can't get time to do.  I am blessed that my grandchildren understand that MiMi’s muscles don’t work right and they find things for us to do together that will be easy for me.  I am blessed to have friends that can look and me and know that it’s not a good day even when I tell them it is.  I am blessed that I am able to use the computer to tell others that there is hope.

There is hope for us and we cannot give up.  Giving up is what causes our life to fall apart.  Giving up is why we lose our happiness.  Giving up is what causes us to miss out on the pleasures of life.  Giving up is when we refuse to keep going by refusing to use canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  Giving up is when we are too proud to allow friends and family to help us.  Giving up is not the answer.

If you pain is too bad for you to function and your doctor is not willing to prescribe the stronger medicine you need, find another doctor.  It’s your right to do so.  If you are worried about becoming addicted to a narcotic pain reliever, get over it.  If that’s what it takes to manage your pain so that you can enjoy life, take it. There’s a difference between addiction and it being a medically necessary drug for you to maintain your life.  You aren’t taking them for “fun”.

Use those canes, walkers and wheelchairs so that you can go out to dinner or the park with your family.  Don’t be ashamed to have a handicapped tag or hang tag for your car. Take your medications with you and pack a small cooler with snacks and something to drink. Plan several days ahead for an outing and limit your activity so that you have the energy to go out.  Yes, you may “pay” for it afterward but what’s worse – feeling sorry for yourself because you couldn’t go or being tired with more pain but with the wonderful memories of the day you had with family and friends.

All I ask is that you think about it.

There Is Something to My Life

Written July 10, 2010.

Anxiety has its use, stimulating us to seek with keener longing for that peace which is complete and unassailable. – Saint Augustine of Hippo

Anxiety, worry, nervous, uneasiness. Use whichever word you want but those of us with fibromyalgia and other chronic pain illnesses could write a book on it. We feel that we have to think and rethink every decision we make. Making the wrong decision could result in more pain for our already pain riddled bodies. When Paul was writing the Philippians, in verses 4: 6-7 he told them

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

We should believe and live our lives according to these verses but so many of us, me included, find it so hard to do at times. The desire for relief from pain overwhelms our ability to think rationally. Job who shared our pain, allowed his desire to understand why he was suffering to make him question God. Through Job’s life, we learn that knowing God is better than knowing answers, God is not arbitrary or uncaring and pain is not always punishment. I’ve been guilty many times of asking why. Why has God allowed me to be in so much pain that I can no longer work? What did I do? What sin did I commit? The answer I always hear is "Have Faith."  So I struggle on, trying to remember that God is here beside me, catching me when I fall. Is it easy? No. Is the reward worth it? Absolutely! God has never failed me and I continue to believe that he has a plan for my life. I try to be patient and wait for Him to show me what he would have me do.

Job shared our physical pain. In Job 7, he talks to God about his pain.

"Human life is a struggle, isn't it? It's a life sentence to hard labor. Like field hands longing for quitting time and working stiffs with nothing to hope for but payday, I'm given a life that meanders and goes nowhere — months of aimlessness, nights of misery! I go to bed and think, 'How long till I can get up? I toss and turn as the night drags on and I'm fed up! My days come and go swifter than the click of knitting needles, and then the yarn runs out—an unfinished life!"

Sounding familiar? Read a little more.

"And so I'm not keeping one bit of this quiet, I'm laying it all out on the table my complaining to high heaven is bitter, but honest. Are you going to put a muzzle on me, the way you quiet the sea and still the storm? If I say, 'I'm going to bed, then I'll feel better. A little nap will lift my spirits, You come and so scare me with nightmares and frighten me with ghosts that I'd rather strangle in the bedclothes than face this kind of life any longer. I hate this life! Who needs any more of this? Let me alone! There's nothing to my life — it's nothing but smoke." (The Message)

Life truly is a struggle, isn't it? How much of a struggle depends on our response. Do we turn to God first and then our family and friends to help us or do we go it alone? If we are really honest with ourselves, most of us would probably admit that we are more likely to go it alone first. After all, we've heard all our life that God helps those who help themselves. That saying is not from the Bible but comes to us by way of Benjamin Franklin (Poor Richard's Almanac, 1736).  Mr. Franklin was a deist and so he believed that God did not play an active role in men's lives. In his point of view if man was not able to help himself, then man was hopeless.  That is simply not true.  God does not find us hopeless.  He loves us and is waiting to help us out of our feelings of hopelessness. Turning to God first is the best solution for any and all struggles we face. God may not take away our pain and suffering but He will be there with us, to comfort us, to love us and to guide us.

Philippians is one of my favorite books in the Bible. I gather so much strength from Paul’s encouraging words. I encourage you to read Philippians and especially chapter 4. I sometimes feel that I am a prisoner in my own body. Paul was a very real prisoner in a very real Roman prison when he wrote 

"I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances.  Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." 

God showed Paul how to be content under the circumstances he was in. I believe that God will also help us to be content in our circumstances, if we will let Him.  Allowing God to be in control of our lives will bring us hope, love, joy and contentment.  Let go of your anxiety and turn it over to God.  He's waiting for you to let Him in.

May the peace of our Lord be with you today and always.

How Many People are Misdiagnosed?

More thoughts from 2010.
 
I’m afraid we’d really be outraged if we knew just how many of us are misdiagnosed.  I think this happens many times because the doctors aren't paying attention to what we are saying because they think we are just nutsy boltsy with that Fibro stuff.  In the case of my neurologist, he doesn’t even pay attention to what other doctors are saying. 

My neurologist became my neurologist because he was the doc with the first available appointment when my PCP wanted me to see a neurologist.  I was sent to rule out MS, to find out why I can't turn my neck far enough around to come close to touching my chin to my shoulder and to find out what was causing horrendous hip and leg pain.  My exam consisted of him looking at me, asking a couple of questions and poking at my hip. This guy sat down, looked at me and said I didn't have MS and he felt sure the pain and not being able to turn my neck was that Fibro stuff. He did order an MRI as a "courtesy" to my PCP but only of my lower back and hips.  He wasn't in the room with me 10 minutes and it may have not been that long. 

My MRI showed 2 degenerated disk. (Just that Fibro stuff.)  Fortunately, that diagnosis meant I got to see a neurosurgeon who is wonderful!  He sat down with Bill and I and explained about Fibro and Myofascial pain and how they are different. Then he explained why surgery would be his very last option - he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't make the Fibro worse fixing the back pain.  Fortunately the first nerve block worked. 

I see a different neurologist for EMG studies for my neuropathy. This doctor noticed that I had to turn my body to look where most people would have just turned their head. He ask me about it and told him it had been going on for a while but the first neurologist I saw had attributed it to my Fibro.  He said it was not from the fibro and that we had to find out why it was like that. He also saw my original referral and that I didn't get the brain MRI so he ordered that along with the cervical MRI. Turns out I have 2 degenerated disks in my neck. (More Fibro stuff - I don't think so) I also have spots on my brain from transient ischemic attacks (mini strokes) in the past.  

The next time I went to the cardiologist I took the MRI report.  My cardiologist wanted a different kind of MRI called a MRA to be sure that it was from mini strokes.  Apparently MS can mimic mini strokes on MRIs in the beginning.  The treatment of my high cholesterol depended on what the white lesions (I think that’s what he called it) really were. In reading up on the mini strokes I found out that microvascular disease is common in people with autoimmune diseases. (Maybe it is from that Fibro stuff.)  So he sends me back to my neurologist extraordinaire - NOT.  (Found out he’s agnostic and a narcissus so maybe he does think he’s God.)  I tried to make the appointment with EMG doc because he was the one that found it but since he only does pain issues, they wouldn’t do it. 

The day of my appointment was a really foggy day.  Bill couldn’t go with me and I had forgotten to call my friend Cathy who goes with me to appointments when Bill can’t.  When he came in I explained that I was having a really bad day memory and comprehension wise so I may be slow to answer his questions and would need to make notes while he talked.  He looked at me and said “is that the stuff y’all call fibro fog?”  Then he said that he had looked at my MRI again and there was no need to do the MRA my cardiologist wanted.  He said he’d do it if I insisted but couldn’t guarantee the insurance would pay for it since he didn’t think it was medically necessary.  I couldn’t take a chance on that so I had to do without it.

Should I have insisted on the MRA?  I don’t know. It probably is from the mini strokes. Since we don’t know for sure, I’m taking two different cholesterol medications and a blood pressure medicine because my cardiologist is having to treat me like it is mini strokes.

So if I have had this kind of runaround, how many people are there out there that have been through this as well?  How many people are out there without a proper diagnosis of something that may kill them in the long run? 

Fibromyalgia - It's a Lifetime Contract

I was going through some old files on the computer and found some things I wrote before I ever started this blog.  These were my feelings in 2010 about a year after I was forced to retire.  I'll be posting them over the next few days. Hope you enjoy them!

               *******************************************************************

Fibro came by tonight.  It’s Sunday night and Fibro seems to think that insomnia is a good thing on Sunday nights, so she brought some by and forced it on me.  I did everything I could today to not anger her but apparently it wasn’t enough.  I came straight home from church and changed into loose fitting clothes.  I didn’t do any housework or anything like that.  The only thing I did was sit at the sewing machine and enjoy myself.  I even got up and moved around and didn't sit there for long at a time.

Fibro was really nice.  Well, at least she thinks she’s being nice.  Fibro reminded me that she took care of that job that I had to get up and go to.  Now all I have to do is lie around, hurt and be tired all the time so why not stay up all night.  I loved my job.  I worked so hard to become a paralegal.  I love the law and contracts were my favorite thing to do.  Talking to the recruiters and the potential employees was so much fun. I enjoyed preparing their draft contracts and that let me know that I had chosen the right career. I will admit that I had the worse boss I had ever had in my professional career.  The co-workers weren’t so great either.  All I wanted to do was work a year so I had experience and then look for a job with a law firm.  

But no, Fibro couldn’t stand that I had plans for my future.  She had to stick her nose in my business and start taking away my memory.  Slowly she would sneak a bit of information out here and there until I couldn’t remember something from Monday to Wednesday.  Then Fibro snuck the pain in.  I could never get comfortable in my chair.  My back and legs hurt all the time and my hands would go to sleep if I held the phone in one hand for too long.  But she wasn’t happy with that.  Oh, no.  She wanted really show me what all she had to give me.  The pain got worse and worse until finally I could barely get dressed in the morning.  And the fatigue, Fibro threw a lot of fatigue in the mix.  When I finally got dressed and made it to work, the parking lot was yet another obstacle to face.  Walking to the building seemed like climbing Mt. Everest.  I could barely pick my feet up.  I guess Fibro put concrete in my shoes because they had to weigh 500 lbs.  So many times, I thought I was going to have to sit down in the street and rest to make it to the building.  Seems I have a life time contract with Fibro with no loop holes to void the contract.  She’s here to stay.  There’s nothing that I can do but watch her continue her hostile takeover of my body.

I have other lifetime contracts but they are not like my contract with Fibro.  I chose to make them and they give me joy and happiness, not pain and sorrow.

I have my marriage contract with Bill.  I love carrying that out.  I have the most wonderful, loving husband who does all he can to care for me when Fibro drops by.  In a way, Bill has a contract with Fibro too.  She’s taken so many of my hopes and dreams for the future and they were his hopes and dreams too.  We are a team, bound together by our love and our vow to God to be with each other “in sickness and health, till death do us part”.  He says I’m not a burden but I sure feel that way.  My Bill is always there for me even if he doesn’t know what to say. After all, what is there to say about Fibro.

Then there’s my contract with my children.  I have two of the most wonderful children that a mother could ask for.  They have taken care of me through my emotionally abusive marriage to their father and were there supporting me when I finally took their advice and ended it.  They were there with me when I was living on my own for the first time in my life.  And they are here for me now that Fibro is a part of my life.  They help to take up the slack and pitch in and help with the things that I can do longer do around here.  Like Bill, they’ve never done anything to make me feel that they love me less or consider me a burden to have to help now that Fibro is part of our family.

My last lifetime contract is the greatest of all.  It’s my contract with Jesus, my personal  savior. I can’t imagine what it must have been like during Jesus’ time on earth to actually be in His presence and hear His voice.“Now we believe, not just because of what you have told us, but because we have heard Him ourselves.  Now we know that He is indeed the Savior of the world.” (John 4:42)

I’ve not heard Him like they did but I have heard Him as He talks to me through His Word and in my heart.  I believe that He loves me unconditionally and one day I will live with Him in a wonderful, pain free body in a glorious world free of sickness and full of joy.  I know that He hears me when the pain and stress of Fibro is too hard to bear and I cry out to Him.  I feel His loving arms around me holding me close.   His “promise revives me; it comforts me in my troubles”. (Psalm 119:50)

It’s not for me to know or understand why I was given the contract with Fibromyalgia to bear on this earth.  I do know that God has a reason and I pray that in some small way I am able to carry out the work He has called me to.