Fibromyalgia - Both a Blessing and a Curse

On a Facebook fibro support group several people said that they felt blessed to have Fibromyalgia.  This created quite an uproar and they were called unkind, crazy, etc.  I didn't have time to stay online for long that day.  I offered a suggestion to solve someone’s dilemma they had posted about and signed off the computer.  When I got back on the next morning, the discussion had grown to 66 comments.  As I started to write a response I realized that it would be way too long to read as a post so I moved here to my blog where I say what’s on my mind.  I think you’ll find that I’m pretty passionate about this.

To the group of people that say that Fibromyalgia is not a blessing – I agree.  It is not a blessing that I had to stop work at age 52 after I had just gone back to school and gotten a degree that would allow me to find a better paying job.  It is not a blessing that we struggle because we only have 50% of my income.  It’s not a blessing that when I first became ill I had to try and talk my hubby into going and doing activities we had planned but I was unable to do.  It’s not a blessing that I had to give up my duties as a Eucharistic Minister at my church for several years.  It’s not a blessing that my cognitive function had diminished to the point that I couldn't remember things from one day to the next.

However, there are ways to turn all of that into a blessing. It’s how we look at the life that we’ve been given. It’s a blessing that I can no longer work because as career driven as I had become, it would more than likely destroyed my marriage.  My marriage is worth more than any paycheck or the luxuries that it would provide. It’s a blessing that my employer had paid for the Long Term Disability insurance so that we do have 50% of my income while I not so patiently waited on my Social Security Disability hearing.  It’s a blessing that when the economy fell and my hubby had to change careers and go into retail to find a job, I’m home to spend his days off with him. If I was still working Monday - Friday, 9 to 5, we'd never have the same days off. It’s a blessing that I have learned to encourage my hubby to go do things with the guys and not worry about me being home.  We appreciate each other more when he comes home.  It’s a blessing that when I could no longer serve as a Eucharist minister, a position in the altar guild opened up so I’m blessed to be able to prepare the altar for Eucharist.  I’m blessed to still be able to serve my Savior and my church.

I am blessed because the Lord put me and my now best friend on the same Yahoo group at just the right time for us to meet.  I’m blessed to have a best friend who loves the Lord, who has Fibromyalgia, who loves being a homemaker like I do and who loves to sew and is happy being “domestic”.  That’s the job description I have now and I love it and feel blessed for the opportunity.  I blessed to be a homemaker.  There are many days when I can’t clean or cook.  But I can be here to offer my hubby a cold drink when he comes in at the end of the day.  I am blessed because I have the time to sew for family, friends and charities. 

I feel blessed because "all" I have wrong is Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Myofascial Pain, Peripheral Neuropathy and severe edema in my legs and feet.  I am blessed because unlike my BIL who died of cancer or my friend who died of a brain aneurysm, I am here to witness the birth of my grandchildren and to watch them grow up. I get the joy having my young granddaughter ask me to teach her to sew and my  grandson asking me to teach him to bake after watching me make hamburger buns one day.  I am blessed to see my our goddaughter run to me down the aisle at church with a huge grin on her face.

I'm blessed because 11 years ago this week, I met the most wonderful man who loves me for who I am, whose heart breaks that he can't do more for me.  I am blessed with two wonderful children who do all they can to help by cleaning my house and helping with projects that my hubby can't get time to do.  I am blessed that my grandchildren understand that MiMi’s muscles don’t work right and they find things for us to do together that will be easy for me.  I am blessed to have friends that can look and me and know that it’s not a good day even when I tell them it is.  I am blessed that I am able to use the computer to tell others that there is hope.

There is hope for us and we cannot give up.  Giving up is what causes our life to fall apart.  Giving up is why we lose our happiness.  Giving up is what causes us to miss out on the pleasures of life.  Giving up is when we refuse to keep going by refusing to use canes, walkers and wheelchairs.  Giving up is when we are too proud to allow friends and family to help us.  Giving up is not the answer.

If you pain is too bad for you to function and your doctor is not willing to prescribe the stronger medicine you need, find another doctor.  It’s your right to do so.  If you are worried about becoming addicted to a narcotic pain reliever, get over it.  If that’s what it takes to manage your pain so that you can enjoy life, take it. There’s a difference between addiction and it being a medically necessary drug for you to maintain your life.  You aren’t taking them for “fun”.

Use those canes, walkers and wheelchairs so that you can go out to dinner or the park with your family.  Don’t be ashamed to have a handicapped tag or hang tag for your car. Take your medications with you and pack a small cooler with snacks and something to drink. Plan several days ahead for an outing and limit your activity so that you have the energy to go out.  Yes, you may “pay” for it afterward but what’s worse – feeling sorry for yourself because you couldn’t go or being tired with more pain but with the wonderful memories of the day you had with family and friends.

All I ask is that you think about it.

Fibromyalgia - It's a Lifetime Contract

I was going through some old files on the computer and found some things I wrote before I ever started this blog.  These were my feelings in 2010 about a year after I was forced to retire.  I'll be posting them over the next few days. Hope you enjoy them!

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Fibro came by tonight.  It’s Sunday night and Fibro seems to think that insomnia is a good thing on Sunday nights, so she brought some by and forced it on me.  I did everything I could today to not anger her but apparently it wasn’t enough.  I came straight home from church and changed into loose fitting clothes.  I didn’t do any housework or anything like that.  The only thing I did was sit at the sewing machine and enjoy myself.  I even got up and moved around and didn't sit there for long at a time.

Fibro was really nice.  Well, at least she thinks she’s being nice.  Fibro reminded me that she took care of that job that I had to get up and go to.  Now all I have to do is lie around, hurt and be tired all the time so why not stay up all night.  I loved my job.  I worked so hard to become a paralegal.  I love the law and contracts were my favorite thing to do.  Talking to the recruiters and the potential employees was so much fun. I enjoyed preparing their draft contracts and that let me know that I had chosen the right career. I will admit that I had the worse boss I had ever had in my professional career.  The co-workers weren’t so great either.  All I wanted to do was work a year so I had experience and then look for a job with a law firm.  

But no, Fibro couldn’t stand that I had plans for my future.  She had to stick her nose in my business and start taking away my memory.  Slowly she would sneak a bit of information out here and there until I couldn’t remember something from Monday to Wednesday.  Then Fibro snuck the pain in.  I could never get comfortable in my chair.  My back and legs hurt all the time and my hands would go to sleep if I held the phone in one hand for too long.  But she wasn’t happy with that.  Oh, no.  She wanted really show me what all she had to give me.  The pain got worse and worse until finally I could barely get dressed in the morning.  And the fatigue, Fibro threw a lot of fatigue in the mix.  When I finally got dressed and made it to work, the parking lot was yet another obstacle to face.  Walking to the building seemed like climbing Mt. Everest.  I could barely pick my feet up.  I guess Fibro put concrete in my shoes because they had to weigh 500 lbs.  So many times, I thought I was going to have to sit down in the street and rest to make it to the building.  Seems I have a life time contract with Fibro with no loop holes to void the contract.  She’s here to stay.  There’s nothing that I can do but watch her continue her hostile takeover of my body.

I have other lifetime contracts but they are not like my contract with Fibro.  I chose to make them and they give me joy and happiness, not pain and sorrow.

I have my marriage contract with Bill.  I love carrying that out.  I have the most wonderful, loving husband who does all he can to care for me when Fibro drops by.  In a way, Bill has a contract with Fibro too.  She’s taken so many of my hopes and dreams for the future and they were his hopes and dreams too.  We are a team, bound together by our love and our vow to God to be with each other “in sickness and health, till death do us part”.  He says I’m not a burden but I sure feel that way.  My Bill is always there for me even if he doesn’t know what to say. After all, what is there to say about Fibro.

Then there’s my contract with my children.  I have two of the most wonderful children that a mother could ask for.  They have taken care of me through my emotionally abusive marriage to their father and were there supporting me when I finally took their advice and ended it.  They were there with me when I was living on my own for the first time in my life.  And they are here for me now that Fibro is a part of my life.  They help to take up the slack and pitch in and help with the things that I can do longer do around here.  Like Bill, they’ve never done anything to make me feel that they love me less or consider me a burden to have to help now that Fibro is part of our family.

My last lifetime contract is the greatest of all.  It’s my contract with Jesus, my personal  savior. I can’t imagine what it must have been like during Jesus’ time on earth to actually be in His presence and hear His voice.“Now we believe, not just because of what you have told us, but because we have heard Him ourselves.  Now we know that He is indeed the Savior of the world.” (John 4:42)

I’ve not heard Him like they did but I have heard Him as He talks to me through His Word and in my heart.  I believe that He loves me unconditionally and one day I will live with Him in a wonderful, pain free body in a glorious world free of sickness and full of joy.  I know that He hears me when the pain and stress of Fibro is too hard to bear and I cry out to Him.  I feel His loving arms around me holding me close.   His “promise revives me; it comforts me in my troubles”. (Psalm 119:50)

It’s not for me to know or understand why I was given the contract with Fibromyalgia to bear on this earth.  I do know that God has a reason and I pray that in some small way I am able to carry out the work He has called me to.