I Need Patience as Well as Trust

July 2, 2010

This morning I began reading Sheila Walsh’s new book, Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God. I’ve only read the introduction and first chapter but already see so many ways where her battle with depression parallels my battle with fibromyalgia. I have a hard time trusting because of things that happened in the past. I hope that when I finish this study, I will have learned to trust God more in my everyday life, to finally, once and for all, turn my life completely over to Him, trusting Him to direct my path even when I don’t understand where it is headed. I think I’ve always trusted God on the big stuff but the day to day stuff has been a challenge. Sheila says that waiting on his direction and trusting in his presence helps us to become more like Christ. I need patience as well as trust. I want the instant answers that I receive when I am in charge. Maybe the key to me trusting is to have patience to wait for his will to become clear to me.

Jesus wants us to trust him so completely that we no longer question anything that he puts into our hands or on the path he has chooses for our lives. That’s my biggest struggle right now. It’s hard to trust when your body rebels and you hurt so badly that you cannot pull your self out of bed for days on end. It’s hard to trust when your mind is so foggy that you can’t remember the next word in the sentence. It’s hard to trust that all will be well when your income is cut in half and the bills go up. It’s hard to trust when the bill collectors are calling. It’s hard to trust when you aren’t able to do the things you use to. You get the picture.

Job wrote that “Yes, God does these things again and again for people. He rescues them up from the grave.” Job 33:29-30 (NLT) Isn’t that wonderful news? Over and over God is there for us and will pick us up when we fall or when someone turns against us.

Sometimes in the process of learning to trust, we suffer. We don’t like to suffer. Who would? And who would believe that suffering can be helpful? The Bible tells us that suffering truly can be helpful so I work toward finding that help. Suffering is helpful if we turn to God for understanding, endurance and deliverance. Turning from him will only make things worse and harden our hearts. When we lay our suffering at his feet, we are able to learn from a trustworthy God. When allow ourselves to learn from God, it prepares us to accept help from others who are obeying God’s order to help others.

“When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always, be eager to practice hospitality”. Romans 12:13 (NLT)

“Here are some of the parts God has appointed for the church…those who can help others”. 1 Corinthians 12:28 (NLT)

In Joshua 1:5, God assures Joshua that He will be there for him just like he was for Moses. He promised … I will not fail you nor abandon you. Aren’t those beautiful words? God is here with us every step of the way. I think about how Joshua must have felt following in Moses footsteps. As the saying goes, those were some big shoes to fill. Joshua went from being an assistant to being the person who would finally lead the Israelites into the Promised Land – all two million of them. I’m sure that he must have felt overwhelmed. God always reminded him to be strong, courageous and follow God’s word for direction. That’s what we need to do as well. Joshua 1:7 – 9 tells us:

"Be strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord you God is with you wherever you go.” (NLT)

The Countdown is On! A Change is Coming!

After being gone for so long from this blog, it looks like I'm coming back to it soon.  We've had a roller coaster ride over the last 9 months.  Some was fibro related, other things became fibro related because of the stress that threw me into a flare from dealing with it.  I've got a post started I'll share with you next week about the craziness around the Martin house.

When I started this blog, I was in constant pain that pretty much never got lower that a 7 and when it did, it didn't stay there long.  I found an awesome pain management specialist and have learned a lot about how to pace myself.  Because of this, I am managing my pain pretty well and keeping it in the 4, 5, and 6 levels most of the time.  I still have plenty of days that hit an 8, 9, or 10. I'm just blessed to have some good days in between them now.

I've had lots of time to think about what I wanted to do blog wise. I thought about just abandoning it - for a very short period of time.  I thought about how boring my pain is this days and figured if it was boring to me, it probably would be to you guys as well. I definitely feel that I'm to be an advocate for those of us who suffer with chronic pain. So I'm coming back.

I'm coming back with new ideas that I want to share.  In addition to hearing about how fibromyaliga rules my life, I want to share research information, articles on our illnesses and have some guest bloggers come in.  I've also thought about doing some giveaways.  :-)

I don't know about you but housework, grocery shopping, menu planning and cooking can really be HUGE problems for me when I pain is really bad.  I'll be sharing ways to get these things done with your pain and how to keep these things from increasing your pain.

We need to relax whenever we can but I have a hard time just sitting watching TV or playing on the computer.  I'll be sharing ideas for activities that will be both relaxing and fun.  Right now I'm thinking about book reviews, blog reviews, crafts and sewing/quilting.


Sundays will be a no writing day.  My plan is to share something with you that had an impact on my life that week through pictures and/or a Bible verse.


I'd love to hear what you think about these ideas.  Is this the kinds of things you'd like to see?  Should I stop writing all together? What do you want to see on the pages of My Life with Fibromyalgia pain? Please let me know through a comment.

I'm Back! I Hurt! What's New?

I can't believe that I've not posted since January 14!  So much for part of the life changes I had planned. I did a update on how they are coming along over on Rambling Thoughts of a Southern Lady. 

It's been crazy around here since Thanksgiving. I wrote about some of it  here and here.

Between the holidays, kids coming to visit, sinus infections, a reaction to a new drug, the flu and the stomach flu, not much of what I planned has actually happened.

My pain has gone up and down much like a kid's see saw.  It's been a Level 4 and it's been a Level 9 it even hit Level 10.  Sometimes it's been at both ends of the scale in a 24 hour period. I can't take the flu shot because I had Guillain-Barre Syndrome when I was 14 but I've been blessed to not have had the flu for several years.  This year I got the flu.  For about 4 days my pain stayed between a Level 7 and Level 9.  I probably could have taken more medicine for the pain than I did.  Since I was also taking antihistamines in an effort to try and open up my sinus passage and I was home alone much of the time, I was afraid to take much more that my normal.  I would rather hurt and still be here to see my grandchildren grow up than to take a chance on mixing the wrong medicines or amount of medicines.

About a month after that I got the stomach flu that was going around.  I woke up one morning and felt pretty good and I was loving that.  A couple of hours later I took Mr. Supportive to work so that I could have the car to run errands.  The errands didn't happen.  I suddenly felt nauseous and got my window down just in time to deposit breakfast down the side of the car in the parking lot where he works. Right outside the big double glass doors.  The doors that his co-workers were standing at watching the morning unfold and drinking coffee. Of course the guys came running out to see if they could help.  Sigh... Talk about wrong time, wrong place.

I headed home and made it about 3 blocks when I knew I was going to be sick again.  Since I knew the Goodwill store had a clean bathroom, that's where I went.  I grabbed a washcloth off the rack on the way to the back of the store.  Thankfully I was able to make it into the bathroom and wet the washcloth before I got sick again.  After what seemed like forever, I was able to pay for my wet washcloth (or at least I hope I did), get to the car and make it home before I was sick again.  Once again my pain was up between a Level 7 and a Level 9.  After I had been home for a little while, it hit a Level 10 that I hadn't experienced since 2009. Between the pain and throwing up more than I did in both my pregnancies combined I barely moved for almost a week.  I was in a lot of pain when I had the flu but it was nothing like this.  This was the pain that I had before I was prescribed any kind of pain medication but this time I was having it taking 60 mg of Kadian every 12 hours and 30mg of morphine every 3 or 4 hours.


But as the saying goes, this too shall pass and it did.  It took me a while to build my strength back up but I did and started getting back on track.  For a while...

This is where this part of the story ends and a new chapter begins.

 

Checking in

It's been a while since I've posted.  It's been a combination of feeling like I've been hit with a Mack truck or being busy trying to catch up from being run down by said truck.  I was getting back to feeling like I'd been run over with a Volkswagen until the rain and cooler weather hit yesterday.  Oh my!!  When it hit it was quick and viscous. My pain went from my normal Level 5 to Level 9 in about 15 minutes. I was out running an errand and thought I was going to have to call a friend that lived close to where I was and see if I could veg on her couch until Bill got off work and could come pick me up.  I decided that I wanted my own bed and made it home driving slowly and on the back road.  Went to bed and only slept about 4 hours but it was enough to keep me up all night.  I've been up since about 8:00pm Wednesday night with the exception of about 2 hours this afternoon.  I'm headed to bed now to hopeful sleep more than 2 hours. 

Check out Apple Creek Cove, my blog where I'm going to attempt to write about ways that I've found to be able to maintain a semi normal level of domestic bliss in spite of my Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, Peripheral Neuropathy, Peripheral Lymphedema, Sjogren's Syndrome, Arthritis, four herniated discs, Carpel Tunnel Syndrome, short term memory loss, sleep apnea and depression.  (I need to check my doc's notes because I feel like I'm leaving something out of my collection of diagnoses.)



As I head off to be at 4:13AM, here's my final thought for Thursday:

Fibromyalgia - She Rules My Life

Today was the best day I've had in awhile. The fatigue was still bad this morning and I went back to bed as soon as Bill left for work. When I woke up about 1:30 I felt much better. My pain was a Level 3 most of the day but as I've been more active it's coming up and it is quickly approaching a Level 4.

For my pain to be so low is not normal.  I wish that it was.  It would make my life and my family's life so much easier.  Sad isn't it?  I know Fibromyalgia all to well.  I know that she will not make my life easier.  Fibromyalgia will do everything she can to make my life difficult.  Fibromyalgia takes away the joy of a good day because you know the other shoe will fall. You know that the pain will return. You know that not only will it return but it could come back with a vengeance like it's never been before.

It rained today and brought the temperature down.  That was a welcome relief. Had the lights not gone out,  I would have gotten a good bit more done.  I did manage to pick up a lot of clutter that was laying around.  It made the house look better and in turn, I felt better.  Tomorrow I hope to get the house vacuumed and the laundry finished.

My sleep specialist called this morning with the results of my study.  My apnea has worsen slightly since I was first tested five years ago.  I've got to take my cpap in tomorrow and have the settings changed.  He is sending the results to my cardiologist so we have one more piece of the cardiac puzzle.  I wish I didn't have to wait until the end of next month for the MRA. I would really love to have all of this finished up. It's like a dark cloud following me around because it leaves a huge question unanswered.  Have I had mini strokes in the past? Is there really a possibility that I could have a stroke or a heart attack and with no warning die immediately?  Do I have multiple sclerosis?  Am I missing out on treatment time that could make a difference in my life in the future?

It's always irritated me that doctors don't seem to have the sense of urgency that we do.  We're told that our condition could be serious and that they need the test to determine exactly what is wrong and the treatment.  It's serious but we can wait a month or more to have the testing done?  I'm also having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact that even though my cardiologist is requesting the test, I have to see the neurologist first?  It would seem to me that professional courtesy (and common sense) would be to schedule the test, review the results and share them with the requesting specialist.  If it's indeed a cardiology problem, I save the time and money of a neurology appointment and the neurologist has an open appointment for someone that really needs to see him.  If it ends up it's a neurology problem, then we've already got that information when I see the neurologist and treatment gets started sooner.  Makes complete sense to me.  What do you think?