I'm late posting for yesterday. My day started out pretty well. It was a beautiful day that God had given us to start our day by going to church to worship Him. About half way through church my knees started to hurt so bad that I could barely sit still. When it came time to go up to the altar to celebrate the Holy Eucharist, I was afraid to kneel because I was hurting so bad that I wasn't sure if I could get up or not. So I stood and I hate when I have to do that. I did ok going up the 3 steps to the altar but had to have help getting down. When we got in the car, I took a couple of breakthrough pain pills. They helped a little which was good because we were headed to my mother-in-law's for the day. She lives on the second floor and I didn't think I was going to make it up the stairs to her apartment my knees and legs hurt so badly. After a nice lunch, I was ready to rest. She needed to go to the grocery store (she can no longer drive due to being legally blind) and I didn't have a list with me and I didn't know what to tell Bill we needed. So, I put my shoes back on to go to Kroger with them.
Bill went with his mother to help her shop and I took off by myself. My goal was to get everything we needed and go sit down in the deli area until they finished. And that was what I did. I know they really weren't that long finishing up after me but it seemed like forever. When we were leaving the store, I asked Bill to help his mother to the car so that I could lean on the cart. We were parked in the first handicapped spot from the door but I may as well have walked a mile. The pain was so intense just from walking through the grocery store. Bill got his mother in the car and then put the groceries in the trunk while I crawled in the car and stretch out best I could on the back seat. I always wear my seat belt but not Sunday afternoon. There was no way I could stand the idea of bending my knees to sit normally in the car. My feet had begun to feel like I had construction bricks for shoes.
When we got back to her apartment, I had to tackle the stairs again. It hurt even worse walking up the stairs again. We got upstairs and Bill helped her get the groceries put away and I hit the couch.
I felt so guilty not helping with anything. Usually I wash the dishes after lunch but I just couldn't do it Sunday so an 83 year old with knees that need replacing did them. Bill and I usually put her groceries away together. But no, I couldn't do it. I feel useless, helpless and like a burden to my family a good bit of the time because everyone else is working and I'm sitting on the couch in tears because the pain has gotten so intense. This is the life I've been given but I'm still not sure how I'm supposed to live it.