Thursday the pain started coming down. It was such a relief. I always have several days of recuperation when I come back from my daughter's but this time has been much worse. I really think that I've had a sinus infection of something along with it this time. It's so sad when a) you can't decide if you are sick or b)is this payback for having a good time. And don't forget about c) even though you have insurance, you can't afford to go to the doctor because you can't pay the co-pay.
I am so blessed that BMHCC pays for Long Term Disability insurance for its employees. Without that, I don't know what we would do. I have on-line friends who are pretty much destitute because they weren't "lucky" enough to have LTD benefits. There has got to be a better way for SSD to operate. The stress that the lack of money puts on me is enormous. With stress comes more pain. With more pain comes more depression. With more pain and depression, comes more stress. It's a viscous circle. There has to be an end to it. This horrible disease has changed my life physically and fiscally. I don't think either will ever be what they were. I'm not applying for SSD because I'm too lazy to work. If that was the case, why did I just about kill myself going back to school to learn a new skill to better myself?
Indeed. This is where I am right now. And where I've been for about the last year. And this is where the journey of the last 10-15 years seems to have dropped me off.
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