July 27, 2011 - It's finally D Day

It’s officially the day of my Social Security Disability hearing.  Preparation for it has been an emotional rollercoaster of feelings that I never dreamed I would experience. I have gone from being perfectly calm to a total basket case several times over.  My plan had been to get my preparation finished up mid afternoon and then have a relaxing evening followed by a good night’s sleep. Since I’m writing this at 3:36 AM I guess it’s obvious that those plans did not come to fruition.  

It all happened innocently enough. This morning I made a call to our GP to make an appointment for the mother-in-law’s checkup so she could get a round of new prescriptions and refills for the next 12 months.  Armed with Mr. Supportive’s work schedule I was ready to make an appointment for one of his days off next week.  Alas, even the best plans can get sidetracked.  The MIL had 14 days of meds left.  Not a problem right?  Plenty of time to make an appointment.  Wrong!  It seems that our wonderful (and fibro friendly) GP had the nerve to schedule a vacation with her family for the next two weeks.  The nerve of her!!  The next available appointment was 16 days out. 14 days of meds – 16 days till an appointment…. Houston, we have a problem.  Wednesday – as in today, the day of my hearing Wednesday - was the only opening except for 2:00 yesterday (Tuesday). Since Mr. Supportive is using his day off to go with me, if she was going to get her refills then it was up to me. So I did as much as I could toward finishing up my prep work and then took off to pick her up. We had an uneventful trip successfully getting her new prescriptions. I even had a quick discussion of my recent neurologist visit and the signs of wonderful little TIAs that showed up on the MRI.  

Yes, I am exhausted.  Yes, my pain level was up to a Level 7. (This level of pain is the kind that keeps you awake at night, makes it hard to think and act. Your prescription medication only dulls the pain for a short time. You limit your activities in order of importance. You really can't work well.)  It’s still a Level 6.  (You simply cannot ignore your pain for even a few minutes. Prescription pain medications provide you with limited functioning abilities.) Ideally, I would have gone in, taken a breakthrough pain pill, kicked back in the recliner and slept several hours. As much as I desperately needed to, I couldn’t so I dropped her off, stopped by the Kroger Pharmacy (whoever thought to put drive up windows at pharmacies is a genius!), picked up my medicines and headed home.  With a slight detour to feed the dog so he didn’t wake me up demanding to eat, I hit the bed for a much needed nap.  Before anyone asks, yes, we all know that this is not something that I am really able to do anymore. I did it because MIL needed to see the doctor before she could get her new prescriptions.  She had a limited amount of medicine that was not going to last through the doctor’s vacation.  There was no one else available to do it on short notice and it had to be done.  MIL would have done it for me if the tables were turned (and she was not legally blind).  I have come to the realization that my days of doing it even in a time sensitive situation like we had today are extremely limited and I will talk about that in my next post

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I have a really hard time judging how long it will take me to do things like this these days.  Pre-fibro I would have had the information printed, collated and bound in a presentation folder in 45 minutes. (Ok, I may be exaggerating a little but you get the point.)  Instead, I’ve been working at this for seven hours.  It’s finally all printed, collated and binder clipped ready to hand off to my attorney in 5 hours!  Since I was so stressed about the hearing last night I slept a total of 45 minutes - maybe. I’m headed to bed for a couple of hours of sleep – I hope.

I think I’m as stressed about Mr. Supportive having to drop me off in front of the building and go park the car as I am the hearing.  The same woman who 3 years ago flew to St. Louis where she had been once 5 years before in a car and navigated the metro rail from the airport to a strange neighborhood stop to meet up with friends is now afraid of standing in front of a building in downtown Memphis at rush hour.  My how fibromyalgia changes our lives.