Tuesday, May 24, 2011

My Body Hates Mornings!

This morning I got up at 8:15, made my husband's lunch, kissed him goodbye and said a prayer for his safe travel. It's my morning ritual when I'm physically able to do it.  For some reason, I broke part of my ritual by not going back to bed after he left and now I'm exhausted.  Last night I only had about 8.5 hours sleep.  To function at an acceptable level I need 10 - 12 hours. I call it my morning nap although I'm sure that's not the correct term.  Usually I've only been up about 30 minutes before going back to bed.  Now that I seem to have the correct medication regime, my mornings have gotten better and I'm so grateful. My morning pain now is a Level 3 or 4, so much better than the Level 7 or 8 and a huge difference form the Level 9 or 10 that I experienced in March, April and May of 2009.

When I was trying so hard to continue working, I would get up early enough to get ready with time left to take a short nap in order to have the necessary energy just to get to work.  Most mornings that plan didn't work too well because I still had the pain from the day before.  The pain never went away. The severity of the pain (Level 7 or 8 that eventually became Levels 9 and 10) was such that I would lean on the kitchen counter, trying to find a position that would ease the pain enough that I didn't throw up just to get to the car to leave home.

Bill's hours are 9am - 6pm.  I hate that he gets off so late. it takes away from our together time and causes us to stay up too late squeezing in a few more minutes.  If his start time, was earlier I wouldn't be able to get up with him.  As long as I'm not in a flare, I'm able to get up around 8 or 8:15 to have some time with him.  He's usually already had breakfast but I enjoy making his lunch and pretending that I'm able to be a good wife.  God blessed me with a wonderful, loving, caring, God fearing husband.  Without him, I'm not sure where I would be today.  What I do know is that my quality of life would be much less.  He never complains about having to take me to the doctor because I can't understand or remember what the doctor says. He doesn't complain when I'm not able to do something we had planned or when he picks up my nine (9) prescriptions at the pharmacy.

By around 11:30 this morning I had only been up for three hours.  My pain was awful and didn't seem to have any interest in going away despite the meds.   Today's pain started at a Level 6. (You simply cannot ignore your pain for even a few minutes. Prescription pain medications provide you with limited functioning abilities).  Now it's down to a Level 5, (You can't ignore this pain for more than an hour, even with OTC Medications. You cut back of all activities except the most important ones. Work is possible, but just barely.)

I had much more to do than I was able to accomplish.  It was all simple things - make a spreadsheet my meds, fill out a form for my LTD insurance company, make a list of things I'd like to blog about on my Apple Creek Cove blog (I'll talk more about it later) make an appointment for physical therapy and a Physical Abilities and Limitations Evaluation.  I wanted to sew.  Sewing calms my nerves and gives me a few minutes of feeling like I can still accomplish something.  Did you noticed four of the six things on my to-do list were illness related.   I'm beginning to believe that being sick with a chronic illness is a job in itself.  :-)


P.S. I just noticed that this posted with the time I started this morning.  It took me until 6:15 to finish with taking breaks from sitting, eating lunch, and taking a short nap.  :-)


  1. Yes, I am still trying to work - only 3 hours on two different days - but bit of an effort. It seems to be taking me longer to get ready and I am forgetting important things that others rely on and much longer to recover after working.

  2. I wish I could stay home. But by me working as much as I do only makes me pop in more pills. I hate my life, I hate my pain. My pain is horrible!!!!! My back, feet, and leg is soooo bad. How can a person go through so much pain????? I hate my life


    1. Inez, it is a rough life. Being chronically ill is not for the faint of heart. When I was working, I took so much pain meds I felt like a walking pharmacy. I sat on a heating pad all day while popping the pills. I hated my life for a long time because I didn't understand why God was "doing this to me". He had provided a full scholarship for me to go back to school and follow my dream of being a paralegal when I was 50. I graduated with high honors and was finally working as a paralegal when I got sick. I worked as a paralegal for almost exactly one year. It took me a long time to finally realize that yes, I was in horrible pain and my life would never be the same but I did still have reason for joy in my life. I have a husband who adores me and is my best advocate. I have children and grandchildren who understand that I'm not the person I once was but they still love me and support me. I have friends who do the same. I had fulfilled my life long goal of a college education. Our church family has always been there for us through all this. And most of all, I have a God who loves me and has a plan for me even though it may not always be clear. I pray that you find joy in your life even with the pain and hard times. Please feel free to write me privately at fibrocyn@gmail.com


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