Sunday, October 17, 2010

Good days, Bad days and Learning to Adapt: September 10 - 17, 2010

This past week has been one of ups and downs much like the week before. Tuesday we went to visit Bill's mother but my legs were hurting so bad that I sat in the car and napped while they shopped at Walmart.  I knew I would never be able to make it through the store.  Friday I had to go to the store if we were going to eat and I was exhausted from the walking when I finished.  Had I remembered to get one, I would have used one of the motorized carts but I didn't remember until I was halfway through with my shopping and wondering if I was going to make it to the check out.

Mornings are beginning to be harder again as the temperatures are beginning to drop into the 40s at night.  When that happens, I can barely move until it warms up around noon. Late evenings are beginning to be hard as well because as the temps go down, it gets more and more difficult to walk.  To say that I walk like an old lady would be an insult to old ladies!  Most of them walk better than I do. 

I've tried to accomplish as much as I possibly can during these good weeks.  I hope to have a few more because I'd like to accomplish a little bit more before winter weather shuts me down for a while.  I'm setting up a dedicated sewing room so that I can feel like I have somewhere to be productive.  It really helps with the depression to feel like I can contribute something to the household even if it's just sewing my own clothing and gifts.

With fibromyalgia, neuropathy and arthritis, it's all about finding a new way to do things that is less painful.  I say less painful because there is no such thing in my life as pain free anymore.  Hand sewing is difficult because of  the arthritis in my hands.  Thank goodness for my sewing machine.  Using scissors is difficult these days as well but I've learned to use a 60mm rotary cuter to cut most things. I have a smaller one that I can use when my hands are not quiet as bad.  Last year for Christmas, Bill bought me a new sewing machine that can be operated without a foot pedal.  I prefer to use the foot pedal but on days like I've had this week, it's nice to have that option.  I spent most of the last week feeling as though my legs were on fire under my skin.  My feet were numb and had the pins and needles thing gong as well as "falling asleep" so that I couldn't feel the foot pedal.  Being able to sew with the push of a button was good.  Anything I can do like that helps with the depression.  I WANT to be a productive member of society.  Unfortunately, MY BODY WILL NOT cooperate.

As I type this, my right hand is swollen and hurts.  Especially the middle finger. That poor finger hurts so bad and is swollen much more than the others.  The knuckle closest to my hand (is that one the first knuckle?) is so large that I can't straighten it out. Holding a pen or pencil is out of the question. Typing is painful but not as much because I've learned how to hold my hands to cut the pain some. 

Memory becomes a bigger problem every day.  I've pulled out my Daytimer from my working days to make lists in one place in something that's easy to find .  I've also started putting  notes from important phone calls there as well because I forget what arrangements, etc.  I've made about our bills and that kind of thing.  I've got notes in my phone too.  The notes in my phone have kept me from buying patterns or supplies that I already have more than once.  There's a reason that pattern was cute - I've already bought it.  Yes, I did need a 3" block template - last month when I bought it.

It's time to rest my hands because my pain is up to a 7 or 8 from writing this.  Thank you for sharing my life.

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